


They All Want You To Change

by love_killed_the_superstar



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Coming Out, Canon LGBTQ Character, Canon LGBTQ Male Character, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Episode: s02e01 Hey Who Wants Pizza?, Gen, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), LGBTQ Themes, andi presses for details and finds out truths she didn't want to know, basically cyrus comes out to andi, but pre the skateboarding disaster because who knows how THATS gonna go down, one-sided Cyrus/Jonah, set later on in the season, they both love jonah fucking beck he's the best thing since sliced bread and honestly I AGREE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 13:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12558296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_killed_the_superstar/pseuds/love_killed_the_superstar
Summary: Cyrus comes out to Andi. It goes about as well as you'd expect for a couple of confused and smitten thirteen-year-olds.





	They All Want You To Change

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so this probably isn't the best writing I could do but HOLY CRAP do you have any idea how badly I needed to upload this???? Like, I started watching Andi Mack around April time and then kind of left it until I heard a few days ago that Cyrus was gonna come out!!! My (recently out) baby lesbian self was like HOLY HECK WHAT!!! and i had to catch up. I wrote more about my feelings in the end authors note but basically it was super important to me which is why I had to write this as quickly as I could!
> 
> This is my first time writing for this fandom but oh god I had to. I'm excited for Andi to find out because the good hair crew's bond is what I love so much about this show. I know it's going to be hella awkward and Andi and Cyrus probably seem out of character in my writing, but hey, I tried.  
> Tune into Sweet Sweet by Smashing Pumpkins for the ultimate feels when you read this. Trust me, I wrote it specifically with this song in mind.

“...Wow.”

“Yeah.”

The band stand was empty besides the two of them, and the sun was sinking low in the sky. The treeline was dark, and Cyrus could have sworn he could see the stars already. He was searching for them because he didn't want to see the look on Andi's face after dropping one of the biggest bombshells he could imagine on her.

“You... you're gay.”

That word. It was getting harder and harder to keep from using it. He'd danced around the subject so carefully, too (“I'm a boy who has crushes on other boys” was the coming out phrase he'd been using most recently, it felt weird to say but far less daunting than the alternative). But Andi was always direct when it came to their friendship – of course she'd say it like it was, no biggie, no sweat. Where he was a coward, she could be brave.

“I guess so.”

She gripped at her winter scarf and Cyrus buried his nose in his. Buffy had sworn until she was blue in the face that Andi would be understanding, accepting and loving, but theory and reality were two different sides of a coin and honestly, Cyrus was getting used to this panicky feeling that would rise in his chest whenever he thought about saying the words out loud. He was beginning to realise that it was a universal truth, being this particular way inclined, that he would always feel scared and anxious when it came to telling the people he cared out – like going through puberty, or finding out Santa Claus was never real. Just another part of growing up, something that no one had prepared him for.

Andi shivered and asked, “How, Cyrus? How did you know?”

She sounded curious but also slightly apprehensive – and just for a moment, an exciting and painful moment, he wondered if maybe it was more than curiosity, maybe Andi was the same of him and he wasn't doomed to be alone in this adolescent rite of passage? – and then Cyrus realised. Maybe she knew where this was going. Maybe she had known all along, and he'd been too busy trying to hide it to see it himself.

“I... I had feelings for someone... who wasn't Iris.”

He let out a shaky breath and clasped his hands together for warmth, willing for the cold wind and early evening stars to buy him more time, anything to just take him away from this moment so he could prepare better for next time. No, he'd been going through this in his head, crimson and clover, over and over, and he knew no infinite amount of time would make this awful truth go away. She deserved to know. He _wanted_ her to know, while also wishing she would never find out.

“A boy,” Andi confirmed, and he nodded wordlessly.

He tried in vain not to try and picture the face she was making, but different reactions flooded through his mind like a quiet stream. Would she be thrilled, just so thankful he was being honest with his feelings? Would she be devastated, feeling like she didn't even know who he was anymore? Would she feel betrayed by how long he kept the truth from her, or disgusted at him for falling for someone she had crushed on for years?

“I, er... I know it might not be what you were expecting,” he began, hating the way his voice trembled. Why did he have to make things so complicated, simply by existing? He was trying, god, he was trying, just to be positive about things. But the fear of being rejected by Andi hurt worse than any punch or shove could equate to.

“Cyrus, I'm happy for you.” Andi's voice, so gentle and earnest, cut through his paranoia with the crispness of the cool evening breeze sailing through his clothes, and he forced himself to turn, to look at her. She was offering him an uncertain smile, and he tried his best for one too.

“You aren't...?” _Upset? Disappointed? Confused?_ His brain was pleading to ignore the negative thoughts invading, pushing back the inevitable _she really will hate you once you tell her who you like._

“Whatever you're about to say, Cyrus... don't.” She was firm, and reached over to pull him into a one-armed hug. “I mean, sure, I'm a little surprised. But... does it make a difference to our friendship? Did you think I wouldn't be your friend if you told me?”

He shrugged dejectedly.

“It was a small possibility in my mind. What can I say? Growing up with four shrinks for parents makes me overanalyse a lot of things.”

She let out a giggle, and reached over to ruffle the top of his hair.

“Well, don't. I'm your friend. That won't change just because you like boys the way I do.”

Cyrus savoured this small moment, just wondering if he could get away with revealing only one of two truths today. But when Andi peeked up at him, he knew the questions were far from over.

“Is this why you and Iris broke up?”

Cyrus nodded, sighing.

“Yeah. Buffy convinced me to come clean with her. I know she's still sad but, I'm hoping she'll come around to it soon.”

Andi straightened up a little.

“Buffy already knows?”

 _Oh, crap._ Cyrus winced, and glanced up at her nervously.

“Y-Yeah. Buffy was, um... the first person I told, actually.”

Andi frowned, processing this information.

“Cyrus, when was this?”

It was happening.

“Uh, let's see, uh... the day after the Space Otters party?”

Andi's jaw dropped and she stared at Cyrus incredulously.

“That long ago?! Why did you wait to tell me now?”

Cyrus fiddled with his hands, taking particular interest in his ring finger, the nail bitten down from the conversation leading up to his announcement.

“You were happy,” he defended. “Things were going your way, you had _Jonah Beck_ wrapped around your finger. I knew if I told you, it would only make things complicated.”

“B-But I don't get it,” Andi said, sounding more confused and lost than before. “Cyrus, what does your sexuality have anything to do with me and Jonah?”

He let the question hang.

They both sat in shaken silence for a few moments, as Cyrus waited fearfully for Andi to piece together the answer in her mind. When she finally did, her voice was small.

“You were jealous? I don't understand...”

“Andi...”

“B-But you and Buffy were so happy for me...”

Cyrus clasped his hands together, shoulders tensed up.

“Andi.” His voice shook. “I like Jonah too.”

Andi made a choked up noise, and curled in on herself.

“Th-Thanks so much for sharing. Really. Thank you _so_ much for saying what I really _didn't_ want you to say.”

The sharpness of her words felt like a stab, and Cyrus wrenched his gaze up to try to meet hers.

“Andi, please-”

“What do you mean, you like Jonah? You, you _can't_ like Jonah! I mean, you've seen us, you've been there when we've been together!”

Andi stood up quickly, and began to pace.

“I don't understand you! All this time you and Buffy helped me and Jonah get together! Cyrus, you, you had a girlfriend! You were happy, we were all happy, and... and now...!”

“I wasn't happy,” he choked out. “Andi, I wasn't! I didn't know this was going to happen, but now that it has, it isn't something I can switch off! I can't just pretend it isn't happening!”

Andi turned to look at him pleadingly, despairingly.

“I wish you could,” she said, voice high with emotion, and she turned her back on him.

All he could say was, “It isn't that easy.”

She hopped up to sit on the bannister, staring out at the dimly lit park in silence, while Cyrus tried to sort through his thoughts in this state of nervous adrenalin that came with coming out. As it turned out, his heart wasn't wired to handle doing this over and over again, and this was only the third time. Buffy had been phenomenally cavalier about it, and his parents, used to discussing these issues with young LGBT clients, had been not only supportive, but also helpful in hyping him up to discuss these feelings with Andi. This was the first time so far that things weren't going smoothly, and it was jarring.

“When did this happen?” Andi asked flatly, still not looking at him, and something bloomed in his chest. Anger? Hurt? An impending heart attack? “When did you start feeling things for... Jonah?”

“I don't know,” he admitted, praying she would look at him, praying for anything that would ease the tension. “Probably a while ago? But I... I felt more just when he smiled at me in the hallway than I did when Iris _kissed_ me. Around that time I realised I was doing everything for Jonah's sake. I didn't even care if Iris liked me so long as he did! And then when we hugged at the Space Otters party... I knew.”

“But you saw me and Jonah talking,” Andi said hoarsely. She looked over to him, and her eyes were glassy. “Cyrus, I know you and Buffy were listening in on us! I know you heard everything, so... so why? How?”

His heart felt like it was being squashed and it filled him with this sick, sour feeling as he began to spiral.

“I wish I didn't feel like I owe you an explanation for everything,” Cyrus said sharply, staring at the ground and willing his hands not to start shaking. “I can't tell you why I feel the way I feel. I can't put a stopper on it. I've been your friend for years, I've stood by every decision you've made, and just _once_ I need you to let me be. Because I can't put an end to this yet.”

She sniffled, and his gaze tore up to meet hers. She quickly wiped her nose on the back of her hand and stared down.

“It's painful,” she whispered.

“It's hurting me too.”

Cyrus stood up, feeling shaky on his feet, and moved over to sit beside Andi. She rested her head against his shoulder and they sat there in the cold, listening to the evening sounds around them as dark clouds began to gather overhead.

“Does Jonah know?” Andi asked after a while. Cyrus shook his head.

“Not yet. I don't... I don't think I could ever tell him.”

Selfishly, he knew Andi didn't want him to either, and that only made him wish he could find the courage somewhere to do it. But what the heck did he know about love? How Jonah felt about Andi was clear as day – but Cyrus had no clue how Jonah felt about him. Sure, they were friends who would laugh and joke around and do weird handshakes and bro hugs, but how did one define the line between friendship and more when it was with another guy? When did those lines cross, where did they blur, and how was Cyrus supposed to read into these moments?

“I don't know what you want me to say,” Andi said quietly, and Cyrus shrugged.

“I don't know either.” He hesitated. “Andi... we're still friends, right? Please, I don't want to lose you because of this.”

She gave a watery laugh.

“Of... of course we're still friends. Don't say stuff like that, Cyrus.” She leaned her head against his, and he could feel her face was damp against his hair. “But I need time.”

“Yeah,” he said glumly. “I thought so.”

She reached over and squeezed his hands, and through the dark, he could see her nails were bitten down too.

“I'm still glad you told me,” she said softly, and Cyrus figured, progress was progress. He squeezed back, and their silence grew comfortable. The future remained to be seen, but the secrets were all up in the air, and the world hadn't ended.

“I'm glad I did too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this as the beginning authors note but I didn't want to scare people away, so here's your chance to hear from me now.  
> I watched the new episode on a live stream and as soon as Cyrus said the "I'm scaring me too" line I started sobbing right then and there. It was like staring in a mirror back to when I was thirteen and first realising I was crushing on another girl. Everything about that scene made me cry so hard, I still get emotional watching it now. I think I've watched it dozens of times already. Whenever someone tries to argue representation doesn't matter, remember 19-year-old me bursting into tears because I finally related so hard to a character who is coming out on tv the same age I first started questioning myself. Think about how out of all the gay content on tv and in books, THIS is what made me weep.


End file.
